Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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