I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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