You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
ok first of all what the fuck
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
