Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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