What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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