The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
