i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
