I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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