i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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