i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
