Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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