Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
