I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
