first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
