I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
