I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
