In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i now understand why vodka
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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