Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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