So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
