WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
