his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
