I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
