that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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