My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
