the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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