dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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