I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
