i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
