Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
