I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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