That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
