My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
