she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
