I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
