Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize