the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
