I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is Oprah even human
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
