i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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