Got a toothbrush?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
