We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
