you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
