For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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