This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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