Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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