make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
