this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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