I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
