why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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