I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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