It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
