Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
