I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
