Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
