Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
