we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
