end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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