Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
