I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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