we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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