R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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