Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize