Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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