haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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