I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
