"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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