I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
