Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
